@DirtMcTurd: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might shit your pants
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@ThaJawn: Phill: *gets stung by a stingray Me: *pees on his wound Phill: That only works on jellyfish stings Me: Oh shit, I thought you were dead!
@goldengateblond: PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as "late-term abortion." Watch the GOP scramble to stop them.
@shkeeber: I'm sorry I burned down your house, but the Mythbusters told me not to try it at home and you should really lock your doors when you go out.