@DirtMcTurd: Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might shit your pants
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@GoldenSpirals: The sign at the pool says, Children Under 12 Require Supervision. I guess anyone over 12 is allowed in with only normal eyesight.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Love is courageous, but so is arm wrestling a bear and you don't see anyone suggesting that.
@HomeProbably: The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas.
@OLDIRTYDIAPER: Ordinary things that become AMAZING once you're a parent: -showers -sitting down to eat -drinking coffee while it's hot -pooping