@DvuslyMarvelous: TacoBell - America's preferred over-the-counter laxative
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@ceejoyner: For starters, you drew your mom the same size as the house. Good enough for the fridge? I don't even want it in my garbage.
@causticbob: 5 years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that girl to marry me. She said no both times.
@clarkekant: I wish everyone would stop vaccinating their children. It’s really cutting down these lines at Disneyland!