@BackrowSeats: Take a deep breath. Good. Now count to 10. Right. Now slap someone in their face. Nice. Feel better?
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@GreeneyedManiac: I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people.
@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus
@iscoff: We'd like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair