@NoogsCorner: Take Dr. Seuss, make him a black midget with chronic asthma and give him access to Urban Dictionary. Behold, Lil' Wayne.
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@KenJennings: Parenting is all about wanting to say, "No one cares, honey" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT.
@The_KJM: I can undo a bra with two fingers and no eyes but can't tie a tie with both hands and a 6 minute video tutorial.
@bugbucket: my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon
@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads