@iLikeCatShirts: Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and hey why did you bring all these goats they're eating this luscious grass.
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@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]
@CanadianCyn: The garbage man is late. I think he's been cheating on me with some other piece of trash.
@RexHuppke: Fox News: Witnesses are telling us Michael Brown may have charged Officer Darren Wilson atop a dragon, wielding a poison-tipped broadsword