@OzCricketFan81: Take my daughter once, shame on you. Take her twice, shame on me. Take her 3 times, and you're ruining the franchise.
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@themiltron: i couldn't tell you, officer, they were wearing masks, they could have been any group of armed anthropomorphic turtles
@TheBoydP: I had a bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereal for the first time in a long time last weekend. The roof of my mouth should be healed in a few days.
@Pinky_0917: Open bottle, allow it to breathe. If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth to mouth -Beer
@uncle_fescue: Buddy: her boyfriend was killed? Me: Yeah, she said he was hung like a horse but I'm like, who even kills horses like that?