@MadGamer79: Take your ex out tonight (one bullet oughtta do it)
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@audipenny: Sometimes I accidentally make eye contact with someone and it's like "well I better just go with it" and I begin sprinting at them
@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...
@QueefTornado: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.