@MadGamer79: Take your ex out tonight (one bullet oughtta do it)
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@weinerdog4life: Tie a sweater around your waist so you can pretend a short ghost is hugging you.
@DamienFahey: Please pray for my friends' 4-year-old. They found out today 7 minutes of his life wasn't photographed or videotaped and put on Facebook.
@EvilHarpy: Man at the dog park: Who's a good girl? WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL???? Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*