@MadGamer79: Take your ex out tonight (one bullet oughtta do it)
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BlindVigil: I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn't recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
@moooooog35: Lady at the dollar store checked to see if my $20 was fake. Like if I could counterfeit money I'd be shopping at the dollar store.
@Underchilde: Wife: “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” Husband: *Thinks about it for 45 minutes*
@Royceda59: I bought condoms. Cashier asked if I needed a bag, I said no she's not that ugly RT @HeroinHadley:Tweet something inspirational. I need it.