@VampireIguana: Taken 4: How does this shit keep happening
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@murrman5: [spending entire date hiding the fact I'm really a beaver] "ow" what's wrong? "I got a splinter" may I see? "I guess so" delicious "pardon?"
@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.
@rachelle_mandik: -Can you describe the jellyfish that stung you? -Yes, it looked like a lazy toddler tried to draw an octopus.