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@mydmac: Taken 5: has anyone seen my doggie?
@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.
@yassinovic89: Mom: you failed your english test, didn't you?
Me: who telled you?
@daveexplosm: Dogs lick each other's butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
@Jake_Vig: When someone compliments you, etiquette dictates that you respond with "That is accurate."
@indiedaylie: Storks leave cute babies. Crows leave ugly babies. Swallows leave no babies!