@imogenjayy: Takes approximately 7.5 seconds for #Adele to make you mourn a relationship that you weren't even in.
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@Reverend_Scott: Love is that feeling you get when you meet someone that makes you forget about all of your problems cuz they're causing all new problems.
@Reverend_Scott: ME: You bring that cash you owe me? ELEPHANT: Oh, sorry man, I forgot. ME: No you didn't.
@CornOnTheGoblin: magician: who wants to volunteer to get sawed in half [raises my hand] magician: and then... put back together [lowers my hand]