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@T_Bonezzz: *Takes drive down memory lane
*Gets a DUI
@peteholmes: Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word "stop."
@Ndeshi_M: I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.
@tonygootana: 16 and pregnant should be followed by 26 and sucking c**k for crack.
@STEELERS1972: So I met this hooker who said she'd do anything for ten bucks .
Guess who got his yard cut?
@iGreenMonk: I watch birds sometimes and wonder, "If I could fly, whose car would I crap on?"