@pippydrydocking: *Takes kids for sushi before seeing "Finding Dory"*
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@Tmoney68: [Entering Building As A Guy Leaves] Me: It's muggy out there. Guy: I'll be fine. *guy is beaten & robbed immediately. M: Told you.
@1BigMick: My wife keeps 72 half-empty bottles of stuff in the shower. And if I even look at them, they all throw themselves on the floor.
@GingerHotDish: [police interrogation room] Officer: you've been identified as the runner who.. Me: Let me stop you right there.