@Juicedballs: *Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*
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@rickolantern: When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe
@DennisLWeaver: Friend: I love FB but it's gettin a lil boring. Me: Well that's cause all the cool peeps are on Twi- ..uh are all dead. Yeah they all died.
@FeelingMervis: If Pitbull wasn't famous he'd easily be the creepiest guy in every club he visits.