@Juicedballs: *Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*
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@mstluvstrinkets: What's the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
@Book_Krazy: Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?
@PajamaBen_: You know what I really like about you, girl? You're really down to earth. *waits for response, nothing. Goes to next tombstone* You know wha
@Pro_Jones_: (Court) Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead? Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet.