@fusedude: Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight... Hoping to get a PS3 in return.
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@Parentpains: If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on.
@sofarrsogud: BUFFALO: I was only a kid. I showed Dad my report card. He smiled, hugged me and said 'good bison'. I never saw him agai...oh, ok I see now
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it's weak enough to enslave.
@batkaren: "Mom, I'm an adult. There's nothing left for you to show me." (*folds a fitted sheet*) "TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY, LINEN WIZARD"