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@ericsshadow: [at my high school reunion] Hey guys, remember last year when we toilet papered Mrs. Krebb's house? "Dude that was in 1991."
@MartaEffing: [sexy time] Me: Let me be your fantasy. Him: It's a Star Wars thing. Me: Say no more. *leaves* *comes back dressed as Yoda*
@bgirl314: 5: Mommy can we pee in the pool? M: NO! Neighbors kid: Why? M: Because pee mixed with chlorine produces sharks and they'll eat and kill you.
@ericsshadow: My wife ordered a pizza from Papa John's but I saved a step by throwing up before it got here.