@HuffPostComedy: Talk about bad timing #JokeoftheDay #Conan
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@kelkulus: I always sleep naked. I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses.
@DirtMcTurd: [Giraffes at gym] "What do you want to work on today?" Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. "So...neck day again" You bet
@T_Bonezzz_: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So I'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave.
@LindseyEllison2: If I ever go to prison I will immediately go up to the biggest person and tickle them.