@HuffPostComedy: Talk about bad timing #JokeoftheDay #Conan
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@AGreaterMonster: I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door.
@MelKassel: The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like "What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me"?
@DanLaMorte: “Nobody will embarrass the UFC more than Jon Jones” Conor McGregor-“Hold my beer bro”
@Manda_like_wine: My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, "I don't want Santa to see me when I poo."