@HuffPostComedy: Talk about bad timing #JokeoftheDay #Conan
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@topaz006: *drives up to liquor store door, honks horn *wine jumps off shelf, hops into my car *speeds off
@ScottLinnen: Imagine the towering achievements in aquatecture if sawfish & hammerhead sharks ever get their shit together
@david8hughes: Then god said, "Let there be light," and there was light and he regretted making Adam in the dark because he gave him Owen Wilson's nose.