@HuffPostComedy: Talk about bad timing #JokeoftheDay #Conan
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@omerwahaj: The new iPhone 7 is just a slower, heavier, thicker, and much less attractive version of the iPhone 8.
@trentistweeting: [first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see
@KarenKilgariff: Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this now?"