@HuffPostComedy: Talk about bad timing #JokeoftheDay #Conan
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@ohpeetie: [ Boyfriend walks into the room ] Well, well, well....if it isn't the boy who tried to break up with me in a dream last night.
@ilovepie84: Sometimes I drown cookies in milk in front of their family until they tell me the whereabouts of the Keebler Elves.
@JillBidenVeep: Barack: Sign here, and here Joe: And then the adoption is final & you and Michelle are my parents? Barack: No, Joe
@Jfficial: People laugh cause I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?