@cigarin: Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.
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@mjkspeaks: [meeting with boss] "I need you to go back and fix something that broke yesterday." "I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TIME MACHINE!"
@murrman5: wife: its ruining date night me: its ruining date night because you're letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: just drop me off on the corner
@mattZillaaaa: My friends definitely cannot handle their alcohol. Last night they dropped me 3 times carrying me out of the bar
@WilliamAder: If your kid eats the chocolate bunny's feet first, "so it can't get away," that's your future serial killer right there.