@trevso_electric: Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus and Mary will occasionally appear on toast, or pancake, or waffles. Always breakfast foods. Why? Because it's the most important meal.
@roostermustache: [on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU
@kibblesmith: Hey "La La Land" remember when you gave us that fake happy ending and then took it away How's it feel
@Contwixt: If I was a baseball coach, I'd argue with umpires about subjective reality, stressing we can't be sure the game is actually even happening.