@Tommytoughstuff: [Talking to a giant banana] "Is that a human being in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
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@BlindChow: [aircraft carrier] *paints a T on the helipad* Captain: No it has to have an H Me: Why? *train sounds approaching* Captain: Oh dear god
@WheelTod: Today my 6yo said it was good it's snowing, as that means the earth isn't getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News.
@Brampersandon_: JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor