@Tommytoughstuff: [Talking to a giant banana] "Is that a human being in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
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@Black__Elvis: I’m hot blooded, check it & see/ I got a fever of 103/ why’s everyone on the bus screaming/ maybe I shoulda wiped off the rectal thermometer
@Midgetspar: Being a "Hopeless Romantic" sounds kinda depressing. "Pull my chair out for me?" .. "I'd love to, but I've given up."
@VodkaThursday: First year my husband didn't give me some sort of sweet on our anniversary. I got roses. He thinks I'm fat. I know it.
@TheBoydP: The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you’re not a psychopath.