@NYC_Blonde: Tall girls might get modeling contracts but I can still ask for the high school student discount.
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@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new diet where I order Wendy's salad and then eat all my kids' fries.
@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?
@bigTman001: Cop: You know why I pulled you over sir? Me: Because you suck at finding rapists, murders, molesters, thieves, and arsonists?