@NYC_Blonde: Tall girls might get modeling contracts but I can still ask for the high school student discount.
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@RafflesWord: I want cake, to get cake I must get dressed, to get dressed I have to get out of bed, to get out of bed I need cake.
@otterwrangler: Please stop giving your dogs human names. My sons Buster & Lucky are getting pretty sensitive about this!
@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@Mardigroan: Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn't improved since fourth grade.