@JulieSnark: Tampax needs to extend the string to 2ft so I can hang myself with it every month.
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@Reverend_Scott: "Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist." It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse.
@jonnycarr1974: Him: I'll hold your hair while you throw up Her: *throws up* Him: *throws up in her hair*
@bourgeoisalien: No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother
@ShawnIzadi: That moment you could pass as an Olympic speed walker because you are racing to the bathroom.