@JulieSnark: Tampax needs to extend the string to 2ft so I can hang myself with it every month.
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@bridger_w: I wonder how smart I'd be if my brain were as good at remembering anything as it is at remembering every humiliating thing I've ever done
@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit
@AndyAsAdjective: Oh sweet embrace of morning, envelope me in your welcoming arms & brightly shine on this glorious GODDAMMIT! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH THE TOILET?!