@JulieSnark: Tampax needs to extend the string to 2ft so I can hang myself with it every month.
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@DaddyJew: [getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"
@SignsofNature: I do not delete bad tweets that get no stars... I let them sit there and think about what they've done...
@Beatonm5: Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves
@Parentpains: Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.