@bdbdleeroybrown: Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: What did you just do? CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she’s after both of us*
@TattleTSister: Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren't really going to use that ice pick you're carrying around.
@OnlyFastEddie: I get really freakin pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of questions. So no... the job interview didn't go very well.