@SomeChrisTweets: Tape a terrible drawing of a refrigerator onto your child.
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@TheAlexNevil: *looks at fish tank 6: It's part cat and part fish? Me: No it's just a fish *Catfish maintains eye contact while pushing over treasure chest
@Book_Krazy: Mom: I think I'll name her Jenny. Dr: I'm sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her jenny_2828
@clemdytan: I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza