@SomeChrisTweets: Tape a terrible drawing of a refrigerator onto your child.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *eating my 3rd bowl of spicy chili* Her: OMG you are not sleeping with me tonight M: *eats spicy chili for the rest of my natural life*
@sammyrhodes: "You know what would make a good gift for this 3yr old? A harmonica." - people without kids
@joelu72: [writing my first autopsy report] There was a slight mix-up initially but it turns out the guy died from an accidental autopsy