@SomeChrisTweets: Tape a terrible drawing of a refrigerator onto your child.
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@AimeeHelene1: Oh good, a gift card to Arby's. *waits for their birthday* Them: Thanks Aimee for the... *opens box* (cat hair pasted to paper & framed)
@TuffyNyC: My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
@MrRamBillings: To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce
@TheBeerGuy73: My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car.