@SomeChrisTweets: Tape a terrible drawing of a refrigerator onto your child.
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@dave_cactus: [me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*
@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
@HavocMantis: Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton.