@alispagnola: Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you're better off staying home with no pants on.
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@KentWGraham: I’m glad they call themselves attorneys-at-law. I wouldn’t want to accidently hire an attorney-at-baking or an attorney-at-pottery.
@flashember: [Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body
@Drivelodeon: Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have.