@JB4Realz: Taught my grandmother that "Jabroni" means "fine young man" and it's made our time out in public way more interesting.
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@ermahgarton: I don't really have a "blood type." I think all bloods can surprise you if you just give them a chance.
@tastefactory: GUY 1: I beat cancer GUY 2: I backpacked thru Europe GUY 1: So what? GUY 2: And I didn't tell anyone about it when I got back GUY 1: You win
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what interests you about this job? Me: the pay Interviewer: can you be more specific? Me: cash
@TechnicallyRon: Aliens: "Take us to your leader" "No" "What" "Look we've made some mistakes" "Just take..." "It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"