@CarriePotter_: #tbt that time i killed a bug and traumatized a child.
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@rikpayne: I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy.
@RexHuppke: I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American.
@DirtMcTurd: Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl's hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that were out of napkins