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@DBMaxP: Tea without sugar isn't "unsweetened tea".
It's. Just. Tea.
@withanewname: Her: *leaving seductively, slowly dragging fingertip across countertop*
Mgr: What'd she want?
Mgr: Where're all the donuts?
@LolaFaglana: I taught my youngest niece and nephew to say "Mommy steals credit cards" when they're in a checkout line.
@TheTweetOfGod: "The new Star Wars comes out in two years". (Luke 20:15).
@girl_a_whirl: A bird in the... *BLOCKED*
Birds of ... *BLOCKED
The early bird catches the wo...*BLOCKED & REPORTED FOR ABUSIVE CONTENT
-worms on Twitter
@dril: my garbage family is staging an intervention or something for me because i forgot what its called when people have a chin made out of hair