@LMHPhotog: Teach a fish to catch a MAN, and you've got a blockbuster horror movie idea under your belt.
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@SufficientCharm: The easiest way to confuse a man is to wear a straight jacket that accentuates your cleavage.
@yungsweater: Can I get an amen? AMEN! Can I get a b-men? BMEN! Can I get a c-men? CME--*the whole church laughs*
@bobvulfov: [GOP debate] JOHN KASICH: my dad was a mailman so i understand our nation's struggles MODERATOR: what how JK: i went through everyone's mail
@Donna_McCoy: *my casket slowly begins lowering into the ground* me, knocking from inside: "Wait, I have to pee."