@stephpaulus: Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius.
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@Jessdaisy: Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
@jonnysun: PSYCHATRIST: wat do u see ME: a rorschach test PSYCHATRIST: and this one? ME: a inkblot used to test my psyche PSYCHATRIST: (starts sweatig)
@bourgeoisalien: PRESIDENT OBAMA: I pardon this turkey- TURKEY: Nope. I'm ready. 2016 was a shit show. Kill me now