@stephpaulus: Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius.
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@1Bad_Scientist: Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?
@antiarzE: - do u like green eggs & ham? - i do not like them, sam i am - but why? - animal agriculture leads to global warming sam read a goddamn book
@moose_chocolate: Some might say I peed my pants. I like to say I voided my bladder into my trousers like the classy refined gentleman that I am. #bt140