@simoncholland: *Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@internetluke: [mom ridiculing me in front of new GF] "Luke was afraid to go into family changing rooms until 22 because he thought he'd get a new family"
@withanewname: psychic: "I see... I see kids in your future" me: "but I've had a vasectomy" [9 months later ... me tending a goat farm] "This's bullshit"
@Donnie_Fairburn: DNA doesn't make you a parent. Stepping on a lego guy on your way to the bathroom at 3 am does
@KevinFarzad: FYI guys: If a girl plays w/ her hair while talking to u, it means she has an itchy scalp, possibly lice. Stay away, it is very contagious.