@simoncholland: *Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@online_shawn: I'm open to change but not when it's sudden like Stephen Colbert getting new glasses with no warning
@Mr_Kapowski: Honestly Officer, the pharmacy ran out of those orange pill bottles so they just gave it to me in this plastic baggie.
@ShortSleeveSuit: Me: I want to be sculpted like a Greek god Plastic surgeon: We can help with- Me: *opens mouth* Fill me with cement