@xosm: Technology: the world is at your fingertips, you can accomplish anything!
@Matt_The_1st: I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great
"don't let her know ur from twitter"
Her: whats wrong?
Me: This fork only has 3 prongs
Me: it should be called a threek
@CauseWereGuys: Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri "What do women want?" She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.
@Duke1173: I'd like to thank the British for wearing red coats and making it easier to shoot them 238 years ago. We couldn't have done this without you
@_youhadonejob1: "You sure that's the right word?"
"Yeah, like 80% sure."