@xosm: Technology: the world is at your fingertips, you can accomplish anything!
@TheRolo: Nurse: You can come inside now.
*Dusts off jacket*
*Straightens bow tie*
"That's what she said"
@Muggernaught: Alway be nice to anyone that has full unhindered access to your toothbrush.
@better_off_dad: *At the bank
Robber:THIS IS A STICKUP!
Me:Looks like a gun
M:Well, 'THIS IS A GUN' is way scarier
Teller:He's got a point
@lmwortho: I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.
@_NTFG_: CW: What did you do on the weekend?
ME: I baked
CW: Nice. What did you bake?