@PsstCaptain: Teens today have it so easy. We didn't have self-checkout lanes when WE bought condoms.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Window repairman: What happened did someone try to break into your house? Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk
@iGreenMonk: I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen window tinted.
@partlyfunny: My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.