@robdelaney: TEENS: You might find yourself "embarrassed" by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed.
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@ceejoyner: Our guide called the bear tracks I found bike tracks. Laugh it up pal, but if these bears are on bikes we're all going to die out here.
@Ristolable: A guy I know just posted "I'm relaxing today, don't bother me" on Facebook, and let me tell you: I was going to bother him but now I'm not
@captainkalvis: WIFE: the kitchen is burning to the ground! we have to call the fire marshall! ME [to the fire]: MARSHALL! STOP BURNING MY KITCHEN
@SwirlySkittles: Playing Tubular Bells to end the baptism wasn't quite the closing my aunt was looking for but in my defense it did clear out the church.