@thenatewolf: Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.
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@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: [struggling on floor] Yoga WIFE: At the bottom of the stairs? ME: WIFE: You fell down the stairs ME: Yes
@ThinkingSavage: I'm boycotting 50 Shades of Grey because it perpetuates the stereotype that men can change.
@truegritrumble: (Going to Wife's Work Party) WIFE: Don't just be quiet like last time. (Later at Dinner) ME: Did you know marsupials are not a kind of soup?
@AimeeHelene1: *walks into door on street, looks around* Whew...no one saw me... One year later... *watching TV* *sees self on Funniest Videos*