@torrami: Tell her she's glowing and watch her do the mental math on when her last period was
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@Gilmatic: *nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs
@capricecrane: People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It's just chocolate, you elitist ninnies.
@rickygervais: RIP Ronaldo's Moth. The world's most famous footballing insect has died after a long and illustrious career. He was 6 weeks old.
@MesutOzilClass: Arsenal did the mannequin challenge for 89minutes at Old Trafford and still drew.😂