@slimmy_shady: Tell me twitter, just how the f am I similar to a Buick dealership?
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@fuzzlime: I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race
@iwearaonesie: Anytime someone loses something in the office HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just send out an email that says "Give it back Josh"
@M_Hedberg: People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool.
@roggyie: My wife is constantly accusing me of being racist.I dont care what she says,Im black,shes black,it should concern me that our baby is white