@Lexi__Alexandra: "Tell me why I shouldn't report you to HR?" The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. "I don't work here" I yelled back.
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@ibid78: "Something's wrong. He's never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
@Dawn_M_: I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life.
@Book_Krazy: Me: Hi. I can't take your call right now but please leave a message. CW: I'm standing right in front of yo... Me: BEEEEEEEEEEEEP
@Overdue_Bills: My daughter wrote "Daddy is the best" in the snow then smashed it when I made her come inside. She'll make some lucky guy miserable one day.