@cervixsmash: Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But SHOUT it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing
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@Shut_up_Marissa: Whenever I’m at home drinking alone with my dog, I tell people I’m drinking with my dawg, so it sounds like I’m drinking with my cool friend
@FeralCrone: I'm wearing black with navy blue today. Fight me. Any bruising will only serve to tie it all together.
@MomOfTeen: That was THE best 10 hours of sleep I've ever had. Thanks for asking me to sleep with you! Huh. You look upset.
@MatCro: GF: I'm leaving you because you're obsessed with Spanish puns and Despicable Me. ME: Please don't go. You're Juan in a minion.