@slimmy_shady: Tell the barista your name is Beetlejuice and quietly walk out.
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@online_rat: my landlord charged a pet fee for the ants in my kitchen. i need $48,000,000 by friday or im evicted. how did he count them they are so fast
@SirEviscerate: CABLE COMPANY: Someone will be there between 6:30 am and 9:45 pm. ME: That's pretty vague. CC: Oh, sorry. It'll be a cable TV installer.
@elle91: Me: Holy shit I have so much to do [Has a snack] [Takes a nap] [Watches 11 videos of UFO sightings on YouTube] l [Stares at a tree] Holy shit I have so much to do [Has a snack]