@jwoodham: Tell the Starbucks barista that your name is Voldemort. Watch for those who don't flinch when the name is called. They will be your allies.
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@KalvinMacleod: HER: because you're so juvenile this relationship is over ME: [through walkie talkie] this relationship is what, over
@ArfMeasures: [Bar] HOT WOMAN: So I was wondering...*slowly finishes her drink*...if you'd like to see my bedroom ME: Oh no thank you, I don't have any interest in home decor [4 days later] ME *spits out coffee* DAMN IT