@zachheltzel: Tell women at the bar you are the lead singer of Train. There's no way they can know your lying.
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@Beatonm5: ...a dentist on a toothpaste commercial with stethoscope around neck..., if my dentist started to listen to my heart I would freak out.
@KrissiBex: My family said if I don’t get a Facebook, they’d all get a Twitter I sacrificed myself for all of twitter kind I’m the Jesus of social media