@GrumpyyCat: Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
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@EricGoldie: You're right, homeless man on the subway...it is a "clip your toenails into your McDonald's cup" kind of morning.
@LittleHarmonica: Men always say they like strong, smart women until you argue with them. And then they're all like: You talk too much....and I want my Mommy.
@panmidwest: FRIEND: where do you work ME: I can't tell you FRIEND: really? like it's top secret? ME [unemployed]: correct