@GrumpyyCat: Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
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@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever
@Kyle_Raney: "I'd like to make a toast." - piece of toast telling her toast husband she wants to start a family
@Jermaine_Accram: My "15 minutes of fame" are when I get my paycheck and everyone I owe money comes to collect