@CornOnTheGoblin: [telling a scary story to a group of moths] and when she opened the door..[holds flashlight to face] she- AH GET OFF OF ME YOU GUYS
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@JackalAnon: So, #Dorners ID was found in San Diego a week ago and then unmelted in the burned down cabin? sounds legit.
@facciabella: When someone says "everything happens for a reason," I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO!