@CornOnTheGoblin: [telling a scary story to a group of moths] and when she opened the door..[holds flashlight to face] she- AH GET OFF OF ME YOU GUYS
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@Carbosly: As a kid, I didn't want to get caught misbehaving by my parents. Now I'm a parent. And I don`t want to get caught by my kids.
@DurtMcHurtt: Hobos are like cats, they'll let you pet them until you stop feeding them cat food.
@NamestartswithZ: MENTOR: I am now sponsored by Cheetos, but it shan't affect my wise counsel ME: How can I become- MENTOR: Dangerously cheesy? Glad you asked
@PimpBillClinton: To all the chicks on Twitter who complain about never getting laid, turn your location on.