@spazrunsny: Telling a woman she's being unreasonable is like juggling lit torches while waist deep in gun powder.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DomBorrett: Grandma: 'And that's how me and your grandfather chose the colour of toaster in our first home' Me: 'So you haven't seen my scarf?'
@Playing_Dad: [Alien abduction] Me: What's it like on your planet? Alien: Very barren, desolate Me: But no politics? Alien: No Me: Ok, let's go
@frankzulla: "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." - Twitter IT engineer that pressed the button for the 280 character limit update
@TheWeirdWorld: I wonder how many medieval chefs were executed because the king’s food taster had food allergies