@bearcub577: Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires... men.
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@shkeeber: Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!
@abbycohenwl: Woman: Is it a boy or a girl, doctor? Doctor: It's a mango. A perfectly ripe mango Woman: Oh thank GOD. I hate babies
@Shelts99: Neighbour:How's the wife? Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant? Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next
@Rollinintheseat: My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner.