@TheCatWhisprer: Telling my toddler not to chase the cat around with her nunchucks is easily the coolest thing I've ever said as a dad or a human.
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@causticbob: I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam on eBay'. That was two months ago, and it's not arrived yet.
@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 41 at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. So far none of the other students have noticed that my wand is a Slim Jim.