@edgarrants: Telling my wife I'm taking her someplace fancy is my way of getting 4 hours to myself while she gets ready.
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@YayForJam: Wanna terrify a homeless dude? Dress as a grocery store clerk and pretend to scan all the stuff in his shopping cart
@jwoodham: Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
@sofarrsogud: 3 AM BRAIN: You awake? ME: I am now! B: I was wondering.. M: B: Did the inventor of the elasticated waistband get the Nobelt Prize?