@TheMichaelRock: Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read.
@jjhartinger: [ring]
Me: Hi
Mom: You picked up.
Me: I know
M: Why
Me: You called
M: I wanted to leave a message
Me: Just tell me
M: Hang up
[ring]
Me: Hi
@ImFordTough: hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up and turn you on
@sickipediabot: Mesut Ozil was quoted as saying "I want to help Arsenal win trophies." So when does the rest of the Real Madrid squad arrive with you?
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Comcast Cable acquiring Time Warner Cable is a lot like your proctologist acquiring a bigger finger.
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