@alisha_foley: Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.
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@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
@TheBoydP: [Jeopardy] Disease for $500 Alex "Dysentery, Typhoid, Bubonic Plague, Dengue Fever" What's better than catching a man cold? "Correct!"
@ilovepie84: " So the boat was about to sink until I attached a sail to my boner and made it safely to shore" Me if I was on the Titanic.
@MasterOfFury: i like dropping off a tweet to FB & watch as everyone cautiously forms a circle around it, looking confused while prodding it with a stick.