@ShanaRose21: Telling someone "You are not alone" can be either extremely comforting or absolutely creepy depending on the context.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Check it out! I'm juggling! Wife: Me: Wife: You're supposed to use more than one ball. Me: Can't you just be happy for me?
@shopkins776: I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae
@ParaJanitor: I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
@PhilJamesson: Doctor: The tests came back. They don't look good. The tests: ok wow this is the kind of attitude that made us leave in the first place